My friend said ‘Having someone inside of you is so special’ and for a second there I had forgotten she is pregnant 😹
— The Intern (@BiKeR626) December 28, 2018
Slightly more accurate baby shower card: “Sry you can’t drink or fit in pants and your back hurts, but here’s a present that’s not for you!”
— Megan Sayers Chapham (@megansayers) August 24, 2017
Why the plus or minus on the pregnancy test, ept? How about a simple yes or no and we’ll decide if that’s positive or negative.
— I Kent even (@kentgrossarth) February 17, 2013
If you have an easy firstborn child, don’t feel good about yourself. It’s a trick from Mother Nature so you, fueled by false confidence, reproduce again. Your second will be a no-limit soldier who likes to slap and doesn’t sleep.
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) February 5, 2018
I just started crying while watching a Post-It commercial.
— samantha jo ❄️❄️ (@samanthajcampen) August 22, 2012
“Being pregnant and trying to play with a toddler is like being permanently hungover and trying to catch a honey badger.”
— Shan. (@__SweetAnnie) March 27, 2018
Hey guys. Stop touching your wife’s pregnant belly in pictures. We get it, you came in her.
— Jenny Johnson (@JennyJohnsonHi5) October 27, 2014
Some days I want to time travel back to pregnant me and whisper, “Go take a nap. This is your last chance!”
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) January 19, 2017
Pregnancy test commercials would be a lot more relatable if the women in them cursed and cried.
— αlly (@ToonieLane) August 15, 2013
Grocery store cashier: “Having a party tonight?” Me: “Nope, just pregnant.”
— Jill Krause (@babyrabies) October 23, 2016
If you eat a pregnant girls food, you’re required to have the baby for her
— Moe (@_Mo_lee_) August 19, 2014
Does the baby have access to my ribs? It feels like they’re bars and she’s an old timey prisoner with a tin mug
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) February 19, 2016
So, if you get pregnant in Vegas, does the baby have to stay there?
— Amy W (@Ameiam) June 11, 2015
I just read that pregnant women in stressful jobs/home situations are more likely to carry female fetuses to term because male fetuses are less likely to survive that stress and if that isn’t nature’s subtweet i don’t know what is
— Kaitlyn Greenidge (@surlybassey) January 15, 2019
I just left a voicemail and said ” please call me back at your convenience. Amen.” Instead of “goodbye”. #pregnancybrain is real y’all
— Virginia Williams (@VirginiaWms) October 14, 2015
My Obgyn suggested I cut carbs to maintain a healthier pregnancy weight.
Frankly, I’d rather cut the Obgyn.
— full metal mommy (@FullMetalMommy) June 9, 2014
4-yr-old saw picture of me pregnant.
I explain that she was inside me. She thought for a bit then said:
“I never want to do that again.”
— Zoe vs. the Universe (@zoevsuniverse) July 21, 2014